Listening To Someone Who Stutters

Listening to a person who stutters can be tricky. I say that with as much compassion as possible, but the reality is, listening to someone speak with a different flow then you’re used to does require some extra attention and patience. 

This topic got brought up during a webinar with my peers from the WS@W team. We presented a short webinar about ways to be an ally in the workplace, and Derek Mitchell brought up the topic of listening to a person who stutters. I had never thought much about what it’s like for people on the receiving end of a conversation, because I always just assumed that they listened to me like they would anyone else. But Derek shared some really intriguing thoughts that kept me thinking…

Patience

The first thing Derek said was that listening to a person who stutters requires extra patience. This may seem like an obvious statement, but it’s still something that people who don’t stutter may not really know simply because they haven’t spoken with anyone that openly stutters.

I’m so familiar with my stuttering pattern and some of my other friends’ stuttering patterns that I don’t think about how I’m listening “differently”. But the reality is, I am; I’ve learned to be extra patient when people are speaking, to not finish their sentences, and to not present a look of confusion when they speak in a manner that seems foreign to me. Even though these seem like obvious social manners to me, they may be totally unknown to others because they haven’t experienced communicating with someone who stutters (or who has any other speech and language disability).

Patience is a skill that many of us aren’t great at. If you are, I envy you. But if you’re like the rest of us, so caught up in our own flows of communication, it can be harder than you think (and maybe a little awkward) to have a short exchange of words last much longer than we feel is normal to us. That’s why it’s so important to be mindful of how you’re feeling and acting when listening to someone who stutters speak. If you’re feeling really impatient, it will show and come across as rude. We can all spare a few extra seconds to sit in a moment before rushing off to the next thing in life. Being fully present and engaged in any conversation makes for a more pleasant interaction for both parties!

Related: Overcoming Stuttering vs. Overcoming Insecurities

Cadence

You’re heard different rhythms of communication; slower and drawn out, fast and detailed, or brief and to the point. You’ve also heard different tones; warm and engaging, icy cold, or monotone and indifferent. We may be subconsciously used to listening to different rhythms and tones of speaking and not think twice, but what about a different cadence of speaking? 

The NSA defines stuttering as, “a communication disorder involving disruptions, or ‘disfluencies,’ in a person’s speech.” These disruptions cause a different speaking cadence than people may be used to – and that’s okay! Different isn’t bad, it’s just different. Repetitions, prolongations, or blocks of silence can all be included in a person’s communication style and make conversations feel longer or different than you’re used to. 

I think it’s common for people to initially feel caught off guard or a little awkward when they hear someone stutter a lot, but all it is is a change in cadence. People don’t typically feel awkward when they hear other rhythms or tones of speaking, so why should a different cadence matter?

Secondary Behaviors

Another big part of speaking with a stutter are the secondary behaviors that can annoyingly tag along. Secondary behaviors are physical behaviors that occur as a result of struggling and stuttering. These can include things like head jerks, foot or hand tapping, and excessive blinking. Personally, I find the secondary behaviors the hardest part of stuttering. It’s challenging enough to get someone to be patient with your change in rhythm and cadence, but then to understand what your excessive head jerking or blinking means? Secondary behaviors definitely throw people for a loop and unfortunately are a big contributor to the stigma that people who stutter are “weird or abnormal.” 

If someone speaks and has unusual behaviors that are part of their communication style, just go with it. Let them do their thing, keep maintaining eye contact and act how you would if you were talking to anyone else. Don’t comment on them or let them distract you from listening, even if it’s hard. That is where patience comes back in; be patient with the speaker, no matter how different they sound to you.

And there you have it! Listening to someone who stutters requires patience to get used to a different cadence and secondary behaviors. If more of us can openly accept different forms of communication, we’ll experience more joy in communicating with others.. I hope you found this blog post informative and thought-provoking. I sure enjoyed writing it, and a big thank you to Derek for the inspiration!