Overcoming Stuttering vs. Overcoming Insecurities

Stuttering has finally been given the national attention it deserves, thanks to Brayden’s speech at the DNC. Instead of writing solely about that (because there’s already so many well-written and insightful pieces about Brayden floating around the internet), I’m going to write about something else; the narrative of overcoming stuttering versus overcoming insecurities. 

My friend and colleague Carl Coffey, Co-chair of Special Projects for the National Stuttering Association, spoke with CNN about stuttering and his response to Brayden’s speech. When we chatted after his interview, he mentioned something that I realized is completely true and hasn’t gotten quite as much attention: overcoming stuttering isn’t the narrative for everyone who stutters. I for instance, know that I won’t ever “overcome” stuttering and be 100% fluent. I’ll always have a stutter and always identify as a person who stutters. So instead, my personal narrative/goal is to overcome the insecurities associated with stuttering. See this blog post by comedian and person who stutters, Nina G, for her thoughts (which are exactly what I’m thinking!) on the subject. It’s a fantastic read.

I know everyone has different feelings about stuttering and if you want fluent speech to be your end goal, that’s okay. I would consider though, reshaping your narrative into overcoming stuttering insecurities instead. Because if you think about it, the stutter itself doesn’t cause us any harm. What does cause us harm, are the negative thoughts and feelings associated with stuttering – i.e. feeling scared to speak up, feeling embarrassed, belittled, judged, incompetent, etc. Wouldn’t it be so lovely to talk freely without worrying about being judged, without feeling ashamed every time you stuttered, and without feeling rushed? My personal goals are to get rid of the thoughts of not feeling confident, unintelligent, feeling apologetic for stuttering, and feeling like I’ve regressed in my speech therapy every time I have a bigger moment of stuttering.

As excited as I am about stuttering getting more national exposure, I’m also worried that overcoming stuttering will be the main narrative. Since stuttering isn’t curable, young kids might be influenced to think that they won’t ever be an inspiring story or praised because they can’t overcome their stutter. And I really would hate for people to watch public figures like Biden and Brayden and think “I can’t ever do something like that.” Nina G said it best in her blog post: “Fluency is portrayed as the main goal and the ultimate achievement for one who stutters. This raises a question that I always had growing up: Can you be successful and stutter?” Yes. You. Can!!!!

Related: Stuttering in the Media

If you don’t let insecurities hold you back, you can do anything. Of course no one will be perfectly confident 24/7 and have no insecurities whatsoever, but it’s still better than aiming to overcome something that you probably won’t be able to. That would just set you up for failure. For instance, one of my speech goals is to be able to introduce myself to someone and look them in the eye as I stutter through saying my name AND not feel bad about myself afterwards. I’d also like to have enough confidence to correct someone when they make a rude or inappropriate comment about stuttering, no matter how intimidating they seem. And I’ve made tremendous progress on these goals. Even though I’m still working on eye contact while saying may name, I feel more comfortable blocking for a couple of seconds before I get it out. I’ve also corrected way more people and had the confidence to stand up for myself and open the door to talk about stuttering. Every time I achieve one of those goals, I feel incredibly empowered and strong and capable and overall just happy. So, do some reflecting about what your biggest stuttering fears and insecurities are and start thinking about how you can take baby steps to meet those goals. For instance, you could have a goal to engage and initiate conversations more if you’re really covert and scared to show stuttering. Or, you could work on not feeling like you have to apologize every time you take a few moments to get your words out. Just think about what would be practical and empowering to overcome!

Working on confidence is an ongoing thing and there’s going to be many ups and downs during the process. A few days ago, someone asked me how long it took to feel comfortable showing stuttering in high-feared situations. I chuckled and responded with “well, the best answer I can give you is the number of speaking situations that are scary for me has gone down dramatically.” Even though I still experience fear in some situations, I know that working on overcoming my insecurities will help me grow as a person. And that’s a much better goal than getting rid of stuttering. I like my quirks and my stamily. I wouldn’t trade ’em for the world.

So what are your thoughts? What do you think of overcoming stuttering vs overcoming insecurities? I’d love to know. I think this is such a good topic to talk about, and the more we can educate the world about stuttering, the better 🙂

If you made it to the end, thank you for reading!