Good Impression or Good Connection?

You walk into a room and meet a new person. Which would you prefer? Making a good impression or making a good connection?

My speech therapist and I talked about this topic at length a few months back and it’s really stuck with me. It’s also a topic that’s totally relevant to anyone, stutterer or not. 

I think the majority of us want to make good impressions with people we encounter. We also all probably want to live our lives with an attitude of not caring what others think and focusing on the quality of our friends, not quantity. 

However these approaches to life don’t work in harmony; it’s hard to not feel at least a little self conscious of ourselves when we’re meeting someone new, whether that’s in a personal or professional setting. We show off our best behavior and hope that we’re able to form a good connection with someone along the way. 

For myself, making a good impression on someone includes having my stutter “cooperate”, meaning I don’t have any really bad, drawn out stutters that make the conversation feel awkward. Or just I don’t stutter at all. But when I’m hiding or trying to control my stutter too much, I don’t speak in a way that’s natural and spontaneous and I feel like the quality of my conversation and ability to connect with someone on a deeper level really diminishes. By being so focused on how I sound, I’m not tuned in to what I’m saying and if it’s really what I want to say. 

It doesn’t feel good to constantly be weighing the pros and cons my communication style when conversing with someone new. Do I want to be myself and speak freely and stutter and risk coming off “weird”? Or do I want to come across as fluent and likable even if I don’t feel like I’m being myself? 

Through lots and lots of introspective conversations during speech therapy, I’ve accepted that it’s okay to feel that being my genuine self won’t leave a good impression on others. It’s okay to use tricks in interactions with new people where I’m just not ready to take the risk of leaving a bad impression. I don’t have to feel guilty for not taking my own advice that I blog about. Acknowledging that fear of coming off as unlikeable because of my stutter loosens the grip that fear has on me in conversations. And then at that point I’m just fearless and say whatever I want and hope for the best. I’m fairly certain my friends would agree that that is the attitude I have in conversations with people, lol. 

To summarize, it’s hard navigating conversations with new people as a person who stutters. We worry about making a good impression but also want the opportunity to make a genuine connection with someone. Be introspective and explore why you feel you can’t leave a good impression on someone. By acknowledging those fears, they have less of a hold on you and you can feel more at ease in new conversations.